The 5 Love Languages

Gabe and I recently started attending a class at our church based on the book The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. We had both read it previously, but before we even knew each other, so when the opportunity came up for us to read it together, and go to class for conversation, I was excited about it. If you're not familiar with the book, Dr. Chapman is a marriage counselor who uses the example that we all have 'love tanks', and that when we're functioning on low, or even worse, empty, we have a hard time functioning at all, and it is difficult to contribute love to your marriage. He explains what he believes are the 5 different 'languages' that we interpret love in: Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, and Gifts. According to him, every person has a primary love language that they give and receive love the best in, and that when we are not aware of our spouses favorite way to receive love, it is very difficult to make them know that they are in fact loved. For instance, imagine that your love language is quality time, and your spouse's language is gifts, they may not understand why you don't appreciate the flowers they had delivered to your workplace as much as they imagined you would, and you just wish they'd spend an hour talking with you and don't get why that seems so impossible. I think that this can definitely improve a relationship- even i you're not having a rough time in your marriage, I think there's always room for improvement.
One thing that I found interesting is that Gabe and I had both changed- dramtically- from what our primary love languages used to be. We were going through the introduction in our class on Sunday, and we were asked if we already had an idea of what our language was, and if we thought that it had anything to do with the family culture that we grew up in. I had always imagined that receving gifts was my love language, and I believe that it once was, but I could not believe, as I was taking the little profile quiz, how much that had changed. I realized that not only are receiving gifts not my primary, but they are not even in my top 3 out of 5! Gabe has changed, too. When we were at class on Sunday, he said that his was acts of service and words of affirmation...words of affirmation is still in his top 3, but he actually scored the lowest on acts of service(so did I- I got a big fat ZERO, which will probably not surprise those of you who know me in real life). What is nice is that, at least for this season in our lives, Gabe and I share the same top 3 languages. Not necessarily in the same order, but we both scored highest in words of affirmation, quality time, and physical touch, so our 'communicating' is kindof easy right now. We place extreme value on the same things, however, by doing the quiz together, I did notice some things that I need to work on. For instance, one of the statements geared toward Gabe was asking how it felt when his wife baked a pie for him, or made dinner. Um, he didn't know how to answer because those are not things he can remember me doing for quite. some. time, people. And that is not his fault, it's mine. Sure, he enjoys cooking way more than I do, and I usually do laundry and keep up with other chores, but seriously? We've been married for almost 3 and a half years, and my cooking time has been very limited. So, my goal is bake him a pie this weekend. I won't promise that it will be the best he's eaten, but he deserves to be nurtured with my love, even if he has to spit it out and chase the awful taste with a gallon of milk. He's my hubby, and I love him enough to do that to him. ;)

*Do you know what your love language is? Have you read the book? If you leave a comment on this post between now and Sunday, the 4th, I will choose one name to receive a copy. It may be used(I ordered a few from amazon and did not realize that they were written in already), but nevertheless, I believe that they are a good resource, even if you're not married. I think that this book really helps you to relate to others and to be a more loving person in general. Speaking of which, stay tuned, because I will be sharing another post with you(probably not quite as lengthy as this) later this week on an example of someone that I believe has the love languages down in her life. She is someone that everybody loves to be around, and always feels better about themselves after spending time with her. Lucky me, I get to spend next weekend with her! So excited!!